Now that you’re an Irvine Unified School District high school student, you will be granted the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to taste the same disgusting food every five days a week for four years! Below, I will be reviewing some of the options offered in the cafeteria. Warning: bland food alert.

MAINS

PIZZA – ★★★★☆

  • If you want a hot, steamy slice of Papa John’s pizza, you probably want to skip the last minute of class before lunch. Popularity is intenseand the cafeteria line is merciless.
  • Consistently delicious. All-time favorite.

CHEESEBURGER – ★☆☆☆☆

  • Force two dry pieces of dough, an equally dry lump of unknown substances, and a suspicious orange square down your throat. They call it “bread”, “meat”, and “cheese” but I wouldn’t take chances if I were you.

SANDWICH – ★☆☆☆☆

  • Choose from a variety of options! Turkey or chicken! The opportunities are endless!
  • The best part of the sandwich is the lettuce.

PICK UP STIX – ★★★☆☆

  • Why does the cafeteria bother to make food when they can just get food delivered?
  • Consistently uneven chicken/rice proportions. The rice is almost always half uncooked but there’s nothing better than a green box of Pick-Up Stix on a rainy day.

SIDES

SALAD – ★★☆☆☆

  • The Chicken Caesar is the safest option. The rest are a little suspicious.
  • It’s impossible to go wrong with leaves and ranch. 

FRUITS/VEGETABLES – ★★★☆☆

  • One of the few instances where frozen food is better than fresh food. 
  • Finding a genuinely fresh “fresh fruit” is like finding a needle in a stack of hay. Except there is no needle to be found. There is no such thing as fresh “fresh fruit.” The frozen fruit is fresher.
  • The vegetables are present only as decoration for the otherwise bland cafeteria setting.

JUNK

ICE CREAM (SANDWICHES) – ★★☆☆☆

  • Don’t be fooled by the large wrapper! I can guarantee that the ice cream will only fill half the given space. You’re paying for less than you think.
  • Slightly melted. You can pretty much feel the sugar in your veins.

CHIPS – ★★★★☆

  • Choices vary by availability. 
  • The cafeteria can’t mess up Doritos, Lays, and Cheetos, right? But wait! They bring in the baked versions. Like what?

COOKIES – ★★★★★

  • Feel the warmth spreading through you on a rainy day!
  • Hands down, the best option on the menu.

DRINKS

BOTTLED WATER – ★★☆☆☆

  • Tastes expensive considering it’s just water. I could probably buy a dozen pack from any store for the same amount of money I use to buy one at the cafeteria.
  • Not cost-efficient at all!
  • Plastic is not eco-friendly!

SWITCH – ★☆☆☆☆

  • Fake soda is unacceptably disgusting.
  • Do not recommend unless you want to be on a sugar high for the rest of the week.

MILK – ★★★☆☆

  • Tastes like paper. Chocolate or regular options!
  • Great pairing with cereal in the morning.

In conclusion:

Pack your own lunches. 🙂

 

Discussion Questions:

How would you rate the food at your school? 

What are your favorite foods for lunch at school? Describe them!

Do you pack your lunch or eat at the cafeteria? Why?